Monday, August 24, 2020
Scenes from Another World: 8.23.2020
Sunday, August 23, 2020
What cooking taught me about how I write
I've long thought that the creative gene skipped a generation in my family, especially considering that my family was always a bit traditionalist. My mother did much of the cleaning and child-rearing while I was growing up, but her and my dad shared the job of cooking. They both have their specialties, but you wouldn't know it from the burned frozen pizzas and hot dog bun garlic bread they've prepared over the years.
Just because I sometimes cook like that today doesn't mean I can't cook otherwise; a sentiment I know my parents would echo. I dream of the day when I can move out of these shitty dorms and have a steady job, and with the power of my own money (and also my own goddamn stove), I hope I can make art.
Why is there no lifestyle short of homemaking that allows a person to cook from scratch? It infuriates me to no end that with many foods, I can't even step away from them to check my email before I come back to find my skillet smoking. Here is where the similarities with my writing start.
The expectations of our society drain me-- on top of my existing depression-- and I find myself barely able to string words together for long enough to make a difference. Of course, this spirals out of my control, where I'm frustrated about how little I do in hopelessness-inducing ways.
I need my books again, like I need access to those good ingredients again, for art can't happen without materials. I've grown so disillusioned with the books I read when I was young, now that my mind is more developed and my eyes were forced open to the world. There can truly be no living heroes to a writer, for the same reason I cook from scratch whenever possible. The veneer of age protects me from the horrible aftertaste of both canned soup and JK. Rowling's transphobia.
Wednesday, August 12, 2020
Journal Post from 8.12.2020
8.12.2020: On Depression and Thrift Shopping
I need to return to my passions, even though they seem miles away from where I am now. If I were more pessimistic, I would say that mental illness and trauma have made me a shell of a man, but I long ago chose to accept that calling myself such a thing would be reductionist at best and dehumanizing at worst. Even now, as I sit in my half-organized office space, I find myself at a loss for what the correct term for myself would be. I'm so goddamn disillusioned that my own brain is starting to look like a scam, and my love of science as little more than something encouraged in my growing brain for economic benefit.
But at the end of the tunnel I see all these things that inspire me: the return to college, the end of my nightmarish dental procedure, and the knowledge that I donated so many childish things yesterday. Someone, somewhere, will be made happy by the things I no longer want, and for today, that is enough.
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No one remembers the Black Death better than healers. Both metaphorically and literally, these cats that caught the plague rats were put to ...
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Ok, let's do this, I guess. I've been challenged (very aggressively) to a game of Image Ping Pong by the owner of this blog . (Origi...
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I've long thought that the creative gene skipped a generation in my family, especially considering that my family was always a bit tradi...